Having just returned from Europe I am full of impressions but somehow it feels difficult to crystalize some of them. They are floating and like butterflies, I almost have them and yet they are free and hard to capture.
So forgive me the unruly and somehow unorderly train of thoughts.
I had left Europe and came to live in America 11 years ago. When I was coming a week ago from our trip to Croatia I realized that it had been my 11th anniversary of coming to US. Even more amazing, not only it was the same day, November 6th, it was through the same airport, Newark that I was entering. I made a joke that we should celebrate and drink champagne but frankly, after 15 hours of traveling, I wasn’t up to it. Interestingly, eleven years ago, I was leaving my home and venturing on a new journey that was unknown. A week ago, I was coming back to my home in US. It feels more like my place on Earth. I guess it is natural to adapt and I am a perfect example of that.
However, I have to admit, there are sometimes situations where and when I feel I don’t belong in here because of my different heritage and life experience than American. But, I don’t belong to my own country anymore either. Things have changed so much there and I have grown roots in American soil in meantime that I find myself in a no man’s land. It is bewildering and nervewracking to feel that way. There is no way I can ever completely assimilate American culture because I am missing some of the things you get when you are raised in that culture by American parents. You naturally get to know some of the cultural icons that are particular of that time. In my case, it seems impossible to sometimes grasp the cultural context of some jokes. I know that instead I am bringing a wealth of my own heritage.