How do people come to be arrogant and too full of themselves? There are many nice people out there, people with good hearts and brains, compassionate and intelligent. These are fun to be around. And then there are those who are always the loudest, the most self assured and the-I-am-the-most-important ones. As I am mostly mingling with women and particularly with mothers my negative experience stems from contacts with other moms who are sometimes too full of themselves. I am usually trying to be positive and I don’t like to be too judgmental but this one time I simply feel I have to. These thoughts have been brewing for too long.
So my question is, how do you become an overbearing, domineering and insensitive person?
I understand people who are self-confident and proud because they are smart, caring, they have plenty of qualities that make them human. There is nothing wrong, in my opinion with being self-confident. The lack of self-confidence is actually not a good thing. But to be too confident and arrogant when you are a mediocre person is something I am appalled by. It leaves a bad aftertaste in my mouth when I come across a person who is only able to talk about herself and sees herself as an all knowing and all powerful brilliant being while she is, in fact, a huge ego blown out of proportions. Interestingly, there are many such who have high opinion about themselves that isn’t in any way justified. I value human passion for knowledge, constant searching for answers and self realization. There is nothing more disgusting than a stupid person who thinks she has it all figured out and looks up at you from the tip of her nose with that condescending look.
My guess is, it has something to do with how you were parented and your personality. Being an introvert is already difficult because our world does discriminate against quiet, reserved people. In order to attain to anything you need to be loud and noticeable, something an introvert doesn’t enjoy. I, for one, am an introvert and have a lifetime of experience in being ignored or misunderstood simply because I am not loud and assertive enough. People who are extroverted have no trouble in getting attention, standing out from a crowd and being appreciated. With introverts it is the other way round. They tend to work quietly in the background and while their input may not be flashy their work is quality and detailed. There were many times when I worked hard on a team project when another person was recognized for my efforts only because he was quick enough to claim the rights to it. Being shy and introverted isn’t an easy thing. You don’t always get a chance to even have a share in a conversation because you are polite and wait for your turn, but most people don’t give you that chance, they don’t let you in. Again, was I pushy and less polite, my life would be easier. Instead, very often I am left on sidelines and I withdraw from the conversation.
Now, being a mother, I see how important is a parent’s role in shaping a new person’s behavior. There are some inborn qualities that we can’t change as parents but there are many we can influence. If we always prove our child wrong or stupid or ugly we will deprive a child of her self-esteem and create a huge problem for her along the road. On another hand, if we always applaud and compliment a child and never give her a fair feedback she will grow to think of herself as center of the universe. Which she is not. Are these insensitive and arrogant people a result of such parenting? Were they always cheered on and applauded even when they didn’t deserve it? Or did their parents never teach them that other people have feelings, that we share and that politeness is a part of social makeup?
Your thoughts are welcome.