As I am putting my energy and time towards these projects I realize it is hard to find a good balance between being a mother I want to be and sharing my gifts. Coming from attachment parenting I grew to be responsive to my daughters and available to them and so did they, too. Naturally, as they become more and more independent, their need for my attention is lesser. However, tackling a new project seems to be taking more time than I expected. This, in consequence leads me to experience a feeling of guilt, a common thread in a fabric of any mother’s life.
As I am dealing with my feelings of guilt, I am also becoming aware that I do not need to be an alfa and omega to my daughters at all times and they are mature now enough to handle some moments of separation from me as well as delays. Perhaps, I am able to inspire them that work can be enjoyable and creative if I choose to follow my interests and am passionate about what I am doing.
There are moments, however, when it feels simply bad to be telling them “just a moment, I need a couple more minutes to finish.” Once, I needed to explain to my six year old, who became upset, that I am still with them even if I am not reading her a story. I asked her if she felt it would be better if I worked outside home instead from my laptop right next to her and of course, after a short moment of silence she realized I was right.
It also made me think how unusual and in a way incredible it is to work from home, sitting on a sofa right next to your daughter who talks to herself loudly as she pages through her book while you are trying to focus…