This post ties in with the previous one. After I wrote it yesterday I became aware how deeply meaningful this subject is to me and that there are many more thoughts I wanted to share.
Becoming a mother was a new experience and I really struggled through the first months to find ways to handle my baby and my new role in life at the same time. I needed to redefine who I was and how I was going to tackle it. Soon enough I discovered that what truly rang true to me was an attachment parenting philosophy. It seemed natural, loving and nurturing but it was also exhausting. I have heard other women complaining that they were not simply cut out for this kind of mothering and moving away from it. I wholeheartedly embraced the concept because it was what I truly wanted to be: a giver and nurturer. I took my role seriously even though it was hard at times, I felt I was doing what was right.
I poured my love into my daughters and enjoyed them thriving. I was a stay-at-home-mother and they had the best loving care, freedom and opportunities to grow. As the time was passing and they were moving from their baby years I felt there was something I wanted to focus on, beside being their dedicated mom. I found that blogging was helping me stay positive, creative and feel good. However, eventually I felt a strong pull to do more, to be more bold and proactive. As I said yesterday in my previous post it created a strong sense of guilt on my side. I was struggling with taking my time from my daughters and, quite honestly, it was mostly me feeling that way because they didn’t seem to be affected by the change.
Then I realized it was how it is supposed to be. Change was upon us and we were all growing and discovering our new roles again. I was learning to balance to be a mother and myself, a person who has passion, interests and enthusiasm to create, share. This was a completely new experience for me. It felt liberating to tap into my buried potential, to open the door to my creative side. Not only this, I was becoming more conscious of how important, in the long run, this would be to actually enrich our mother – daughters relationship. What I hadn’t been aware of before was how one-sided and devoted to their upbringing I was, to the point where I had lost my own identity. But now, as I was reclaiming my own self again, this was making sense more and more. I figured out that being engaged and having my own venues besides being a mom was crucial not only to my well-being but also to theirs.
Now they will be able to grow up into women who know that they can live their life with a purpose. I wanted to let them know that whether they choose to be a mother or a singer or a high executive they will be valuable no matter what their choice is. Being a woman and keeping a sense of esteem in the society that values action, fame and fast movers is hard if you decide not to be a doer. In a way, I want them to know that they should follow their heart and not look for an approval of other people to feel validated. If it is being a mother that fulfills them they should do it. I am sure they will be able to figure out what it is in their life that moves them.