How little loved we are.
There is very little love in this world. So little that it hurts sometimes. Buddha said that life is a suffering. If we are born into this world and all we get at the very beginning of it is misery how can we evolve into trustful and love giving individuals. Some say that we are always welcomed with love because our parents love us the most of all. And yet how often all we get from them is not true unconditional love but some other love.
My father came to this world in a hospital. His mother wanted to have a daughter and when she saw him for the first time she made an arrangement with another woman from the same room to switch the newborns so that she could have a girl. Right then my grandfather entered the room and didn’t allow this to happen. Never in his entire life my dad experienced love from woman whom he called mother. When he was seven years old and his own dad was dead he fancied it was his mother instead. Years later he was still trying to buy his mother’s love but without success. Truly, my dad has struggled to and never knew how to give me love that he has never received.
When my mother’s mom was pregnant she was diagnosed with terminal disease, liver cancer. Her doctors didn’t give her more than a couple months of life. And yet she carried my mother inside her womb and lived life of terror. She was already a mom of two little boys and knew her days were counted. Interestingly, she gave a birth to my mother and lived another 25 years. How frightened she had to be to believe she was to die and orphan her babies. Just to make matters worse the marriage of my grandparents had had its very low moments and one of my mother’s most horrible memories is when her dad was chasing her mom with an axe around the house. Truly a loving and safe childhood she had.
I know a person who was loved by his parents. However, at that time it was common for both of parents to work so their arrangement was to leave their young infant home alone in a safe crib for the time they were absent. Later, as he had became a toddler he was still being left alone at home and instructed to stay out of trouble. He basically stayed in bed the entire time.
I was very sick when I was a little infant and required hospitalization. Parents were allowed in hospital only one hour a day so I was there alone in a crib for hours on end. My parents were told by hospital staff that I was crying my lungs out most of the time.
Later when I was was an older child, my mom would tell me how much she loved me, I was her star in the sky. But whenever my opinion differed from hers I was put right into place and her love was withdrawn. That’s called conditional love. I was being loved as long as I was acting acording to my mother’s plan. For a little child love withdrawal means the end of the world. Parents are omnipotent gods and are always right, godlike and powerful. To fall from parent’s grace is very frightening to a child. I was feeling very vulnerable and scared whenever I disappointed her. I developed low self esteem and still struggle with it even as an adult.
Having written all of that I wanted to say that most of us don’t experience love in an unadulterated state, love that is pure blissful and unconditional. Or that our life circumstances are far from being perfect and we face pain, unhappiness, suffering. These adversities, especially when we experience them very early in our life shape our personalities and we become who we are. We pass on to future generations the luggage of our upbringing without even being aware that the wrong that has been done to us will affect our children and their children if we don’t make a conscious effort to stop that chain of events.
Love is all the children need and if we could pass it on them without attached strings, rewards and threats our world would be looking very different today than it is now.