I left my husband. After years of marriage, two children together, I reached a conclusion that I no longer could envision sharing our life together. There were various reasons but after pondering and trying to understand what really was a deal-breaker for me, I realized that I never had any emotional support from my husband. For years and years I lived as if I were a single mom to my daughters and if and whenever I reached out to him; my fears, doubts were dismissed as invalid. I learned to hide my feelings and I shielded my heart to protect it from being shattered time after time. There were times when I was made feel stupid and insignificant and times when I needed to swallow abusive and oppressive words. My love to him eventually dried out.
I endured years of that for the sake of my daughters but as time went on I realized I was doing a disservice to them and myself. I lived a lie, pretending to be happy for them, while, I was empty, unfulfilled and scared. I had no guts to say no, to liberate myself as I was thinking there was no way out of my situation. I created a barrier, a mental wall – all I could see was impossibility to extricate myself from my painful existence. But, as every soul on this planet I prayed and asked for help.
The first time ever I felt guided was when I was falling asleep four years ago and saw a star in the night sky. This star was unusually big and bright and seemed to be there just for me. That’s when I allowed my own trust in divine to take over my fear and insecurity. That night I knew there was some hope, there was a chance for me to change my life. At that particular moment, I didn’t know in what form the help would come. I meditated and prayed and listened to my inner voice. I hugged trees to tune into the universe’s whisper and I deepened the connection with the divine. Each time I listened to my intuition- I made it stronger and and stronger. Eventually, I was able to distinguish the words that were directed to me by the universe from my mental chatter.
The biggest obstacle to changing my life was my own fear. I lived my life from the fear. I assumed things would go wrong if I tried to make a smallest change. I was conditioned from the childhood not to trust but fear the change, fear the consequences of being bold. At forty, I suddenly had to reprogram myself and allow myself to trust the process. I took a huge leap of faith, and realized that universe supports those who follow their heart. Things started to fall in place as soon as I based my decisions on what felt right in my heart. I found a job, I found a courage to tell my husband that I was going to leave him, eventually I moved out.
Now I live a better life knowing that I am an empowered and strong woman capable of taking charge of my destiny and my children’s future. I am still discovering my own strength, who I am and where I want to go. I hope to inspire other women to trust their own hearts and follow their dreams.