I am getting so tired of hearing moms who criticize other moms. Even when they are AP moms and talk about other parents shortcomings. It is so judgemental to point a finger at someone and say that you know better. First of all, do we really know all details to make a sound judgement?
It is especially annoying when it comes from moms of one child. Because having a second one adds a new dimension to everything, it changes the dynamics of family, totally. I was there, to be honest, an AP mom full of herself, observing other moms struggling with a loud and uncooperative toddler, thinking to herself: “How can they be like this”? I was blessed with a super easy to navigate daughter and wondered why people don’t talk to their children but threaten them and force them. Then came along Alexandra. A headstrong, obstinate and willful person contained in a tiny body. Simple explanation why we need to leave is not enough for her to stop having fun. Gentle reminders that it is time to go are left unnoticed. She has a mind of her own and follows her own agenda, she was even born on her own timeschedule and terms. She is fierce and intense and when gets angry she is like a firecracker, bouncing and screaming, oblivious to what is going on around her. That daughter is so unlike her older sister and yet I love her so much. But that translates into a plethora of situations that are out of my control when we are outside our home. The recent trip to Poland has had its culmination at the JFK airport in New York when Alexandra was so tired that anything could trigger her meltdown. We were in a terminal when she wanted to climb something too high for her and that was it, she went right on the floor and started her tantrum. The only thing I can do about it is to wait patiently until she is done to offer her some comfort because if I try to interfere she gets even madder. So here we are at the super busy terminal with hundreds of people rushing and Alexandra is on the floor kicking and screaming bloody hell, I am sitting next to her and am waiting for her to calm down. From a stranger’s point of view this must look like an example of bad parenting, poor child and a cruel mom.
I am also thinking how much you need to compromise between needs of your children to achieve harmony. It was a completely different ball game with one child, it was easy to meet her needs because she was the only one. Now, with the two, it is sometimes a balancing act. One wants to stay home the other wants to go to a park. To top it off, I also have some needs that need to be met so I can be happy to parent them. It was easy to be there always for one child but with two it gets more exhausting. I get much less ME time to compensate for 24/7 care I provide them with. How can I let them always have their way if they are contrary to each other? How can I have my toddler decide that she wants to stay home that day if her sister is having a gymnastics class or we need to buy some food? Right now we will have to do some grocery shopping because after our absence the fridge is totally empty and I am sure Alexandra won’t like that.