Musings

He tried to understand why this was happening to him. The sensation of abandonment and an unanticipated bitterness filled him to the brim. The house was deserted and he didn’t like its numbing silence. The rooms were now empty, devoid of laughter, which used to reverberate throughout the space. Slowly, he walked to his basement to lose a feeling of emptiness when he spotted her paintings stacked in one of the corners. He always kept them in the basement, even when she still had lived with him. There were fragments of her soul he could never accept and acknowledge, her art was among them. Unconsciously, he never liked her colorful and vibrant artwork because it echoed the expressive bits of her personality. He preferred her even-tempered. Her heart-felt attempts to address the issues they were facing as a couple would bring him back to his refuge under the house, the basement. There, his strength lay in silence. She couldn’t penetrate the thick wall of his self-imposed solitude, and the fact he chose to ignore her texts, phone calls, and her pleas, was causing a monumental rift that eventually became too large to mend.

“Your love never made me feel safe,” she said on the day she left. “You gave me a rollercoaster of emotions, and not a steady, rock-solid foundation. I couldn’t trust you and never knew if you would show up for me when I needed you. Love is not about running away from the problems. It is about building a solid base, where you respect your partner. I lost respect for you a long time ago, and it cannot be undone,” she concluded. The look she gave him was uncompassionate, and her eyes remained cold. Through her mind fluttered thousands of images of the past, once painful but distant now, and somewhat dull. The times she waited for him in vain, the unanswered text messages, and the silence. It was impossible to convey to him the agony it had caused her back then.

She knew she deserved to be loved in a way that would make her feel safe. She wanted a partner who would be there for her always and not when he was in the right mood. Trust is a fundamental part of any relationship, without it one cannot build future and grow. Now, eight months later, she was on the verge of finding it.

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