I often wonder how it is possible for two perfect strangers to come together and start a new life. Perhaps, it is easier when we are younger with less emotional baggage, less trauma and not so many painful experiences collected along the way. Each relationship we enter is very unique and requires a clean slate, a fresh heart, an open mind and trust. My experience is that it was so easy to fall head over heels in love in my twenties and have that trust, but way harder to trust once I am older. It almost seems that the older I get I carry more emotional garbage that just sits there and annoyingly blocks the way to open up to a new love. Even though my feelings for the other person are very intense I find it hard to trust because of the past. I tend to compare and examine the words, the gestures and facial expressions to find a common denominator but by doing so I fall into a trap.
My new love is brand new and unique and there isn’t any common denominator yet unless I and my partner decide to create it. Trying to analyze it by looking back at my past and mostly painful experiences is like trying to guess today’s weather from yesterday’s stormy conditions. It is better not to compare and not look back because our past has nothing to do with the NOW. Often, though, it is the past emotional hurt that brings a new dimension to our current relationship because we look through the past lens into our present and draw conclusions, interpret and assume. This is exactly what we shouldn’t be doing because there are no two same persons and circumstances on Earth. How is it, then that we do make presumptions based on past failures and apply them to the present? We do it all the time.
Loving is a delicate process, I believe. We need to become vulnerable to allow the other person’s access to our heart, to our inmost feelings and we often need to bare our soul. That can be frightening and intimidating sometimes. We all have been through some painful breakups and our share of heartbreak. By opening ourselves to love another again and again we create a precedence as we forgo our previous painful past and trust one more time. Why is it so important to open our heart to welcome love? Because love is the only thing that really matters in life. We are born to experience love on all levels of our existence rather than close our soul in fear of being hurt again and never feel the bliss of love.
I also found out that often it is my ego that is trying to sabotage my relationship by persistently whispering negative stuff into my ear trying to silence the voice of my intuition. I live my life following my intuition, it works for me beautifully. Not a single decision I made based on what my heart told me was ever wrong. In fact, I thrived ever since I started listening to it. But, in difficult moments, when I truly need to tune in, my ego tends to get loud and annoying. As I am going through some growth and soul-searching related to opening up to new love my ego is roaring that I might get hurt and that I am setting up myself for a failure and pain. Why? Because my ego recognizes the past pattern where I had been hurt and suggests “Withdraw yourself from that situation before you get hurt again.” Interestingly, when I listen to my heart, it tells me that my current turmoil is caused by my memory of the past and not based in reality. When I listen to my intuition it tells me that it’s going to be all right and that being in doubt is just a process leading to accepting, giving and receiving love.
Today, to hear better my intuition I walked on the beach, sat in the sand and meditated. I also gazed at the expanse of the Pacific and my heart was immediately at ease. I no longer was in pain, my mind was clear and I was a clear channel to receive the ageless wisdom of the divine. I instantly knew that I was on the right track, that I had to let go of my preconceived expectations carried on from the previous relationships and lighten up. I felt better knowing that universe supported my new love and that all was well. I often marvel at how easy it is for me to connect with the divine in nature, especially on the beach. Just gazing at the vastness of the ocean is a meditative exercise because everything gets a proper perspective when set against the magnificence of the divine which ocean is to me.
My most valuable realization from the ocean meditation was that the key to love was trust and that trusting can be a healing experience to our soul. I thought I needed to lighten up and forget the past to some extent to allow the room for a new life experience, same as in removing junk from the room to open it up for new furniture. As long as my heart was jammed with doubt, pain and memories there was no room for this new love and its blissful magic.